Tag: cancer

Fr. Steve’s updates

At our Tuesday night potluck all the people who’ve arrived in the last week stand up and introduce themselves. Anyone who is finishing their treatments and is preparing to go home also gets the chance to impart a few words of wisdom to the group.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

At our Tuesday night potluck all the people who’ve arrived in the last week stand up and introduce themselves. Anyone who is finishing their treatments and is preparing to go home also gets the chance to impart a few words of wisdom to the group.

Bob, from Nevada, was here for over two months. Because of distance, he didn’t get to go home on weekends. But, he made the best of his time and leaves with many new friends.

He advised all of us to get out of our rooms and down to the common areas, where you meet folks from all different backgrounds and professions. One of his favorite new friends was the man who vowed to make at least 5 people smile every day – and usually easily accomplished that by lunch time.

We are our brothers and sisters’ keepers, and caring for one another is what we’re made for.

We are our brothers and sisters’ keepers,
and caring for one another is what we’re made for.

Fr. Steve’s updates

I’ve received piles of get well cards and letters. People share their own struggles to overcome, offer prayers and hope, advice and recipes, cartoons and pictures, prayer books and medals, and even some original art work.

Monday, April 5, 2010

When Brother Clay left this morning, he made sure I had the large box with my mail from the past three weeks.

Again, I’ve received piles of get well cards and letters. People share their own struggles to overcome, offer prayers and hope, advice and recipes, cartoons and pictures, prayer books and medals, and even some original art work.

I was torn between reading through them and watching the White Sox opening day on TV. So, I did both.

Baseball is a leisurely game, and doesn’t require constant attention, so I sat down in the common room with my box and started reading. When the game got exciting, I paid closer attention, and during the lulls, I read a few more notes.

Some were from names I recognized right away, but many shared this common sentiment – “although we’ve never met, through your letters I feel like we’re old friends and I just wanted you to know we’re thinking of you …”

There are so many folks who, over the years, have been such a blessing to St. Joseph’s and now are a real blessing to me.

I had the first seven innings to myself and the letters. The last two innings, I was joined by a couple of other sports fans who came back from their treatments; the talk turned more to baseball and a little to sharing our medical stories.

My team won, and it was a lovely way to spend a good part of the afternoon.

Fr. Steve’s updates

This year’s Holy Week has been so different for me, not having to prepare any homilies or lead services. Instead, I con-celebrated mass this morning at the local parish, where there was uplifting music and a good spirit among the overflowing crowd.

Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter

This year’s Holy Week has been so different for me, not having to prepare any homilies or lead services. Instead, I con-celebrated mass this morning at the local parish, where there was uplifting music and a good spirit among the overflowing crowd.

The pastor introduced me and told folks that I was here for cancer treatments. Standing in the doorway afterward to shake hands and wish folks a happy Easter, countless folks came up and offered their prayers and support. Some told me briefly of their being survivors. All urged me to have faith and courage. And, the experience of prayer and community increased my faith and courage.

I’ve been told it’s important not to lose much weight before surgery, and having two Easter dinners probably has me looking to gain rather than lose over the weekend!

Right after church, Brother Clay and I went to a downtown hotel for a lovely Easter brunch. In the evening, some of the Franciscan sisters invited me over for dinner. One sister, who was in novitiate during World War II (she has just a few more years of religious life than me!) recalled how disappointing it was that they couldn’t initially receive their profession cross because silver was rationed at that time! But with 65+ years as a sister, I think her vows definitely took.

Fr. Steve’s updates

I grew up in Indiana, and seeing Butler’s improbable run to the championship game has been exciting. It continues the tradition and history we fondly call Hoosier Hysteria.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I’m a person of many lists, and usually, before turning in each night, I make a list of what I want to accomplish the next day. I seldom get everything on the list done, but writing goals down helps me make progress and keep my eye on what is needed.

But, today was a wide open day, with no treatments or appointments, and no list. I took it easy, read quite a bit and went to a mall to buy a new pair of walking shoes. Then, proceeded to put a few miles on them.

I am noticing more tiredness from the radiation. Some days it’s hard to coax myself out of bed. Today, it was nice not to have to get out of bed until the tiredness was off of me.

I also got several phone calls from family and friends, knowing I’d be busy on Easter, and wanting to touch base and offer prayers and support, which means so much.

Tonight, the basketball fan in me had to watch the NCAA tournament with a few other sports fans who congregated around the common TV. I grew up in Indiana, and seeing Butler’s improbable run to the championship game has been exciting. It continues the tradition and history we fondly call Hoosier Hysteria.

Fr. Steve’s updates

There’s comfort in walking a journey that others have taken as well. Robin had surgery some time ago and spoke highly of the surgeon that will also be operating on me.

Friday, April 2, 2010

When I went downstairs to the common room to read the morning paper and have a cup of tea, I met a couple – Robin and Gary – who just arrived at Hope Lodge this week. After talking about what we do and where we’re from, we compared cancer stories.

Robin also has sarcoma, and it’s the first time either of us has met a kindred soul sharing this disease. There’s comfort in walking a journey that others have taken as well. Robin had surgery some time ago and spoke highly of the surgeon that will also be operating on me.

Good Friday services took on new meaning for me.

I often have a hard time getting into the suffering and agony part. Like most of us, it’s part of life I don’t much like to think about.

This year is different for me because my illness has opened my eyes wider to the reality of suffering that so many people face on a daily basis. The cross is more real as well. The whole point is to take our burdens to the cross in prayer and find the strength to daily pick up our cross and courageously walk with it, through it, and even in spite of it, in faith.

Brother Clay arrived this afternoon for a visit. He caught me up on the people and events at school, and we shared a movie and evening meal. I appreciated his company.

Fr. Steve’s updates

While I’m lying on the table receiving radiation, I’ve found myself using those 15 minutes for prayer. Some are petitions as I think about family and friends who need strength to face their own struggles. Some are just moments of thanks for the blessings that come my way each day.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

While I’m lying on the table receiving radiation, I’ve found myself using those 15 minutes for prayer. Some are memorized prayers I’ve said since I was a child. Some are petitions as I think about family and friends who need strength to face their own struggles. Some are just moments of thanks for the blessings that come my way each day.

And, I pray for healing. Instead of the treatments increasing my anxiety level, I come away refreshed and blessed.

Tonight for Holy Thursday, I con-celebrated mass at the local parish. Sometimes it’s difficult to find people willing to get their feet washed, but here many folks eagerly participated. That ritual does inspire in me compassion and renews God’s call to service.

This community attracts people from all over the world, and the prayer intentions reflected that. Parish members offered their petitions in English, Arabic, Portuguese, Ukrainian, Lingala, Gaelic and Spanish. Despite our differences, we’re all united as members of God’s family.

Fr. Steve’s updates

Today was my regular radiation and some blood work to see how my blood cell counts are holding up. I didn’t even need a jacket today as the temperatures climbed into the upper 70s. I walked for almost an hour after the doctors got done with me.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Today was my regular radiation and some blood work to see how my blood cell counts are holding up.

I didn’t even need a jacket today as the temperatures climbed into the upper 70s. I walked for almost an hour after the doctors got done with me.

As I walked by the radiation building, I heard “Hey, Steve!” and at first, I thought it must be someone else. But, it was Gail from my hometown who was on break and came out for fresh air. We walked a few blocks together before she had to get back.

I stopped to browse in a book store. When I do, I get both excited (thinking about all the subjects I would love to learn more about) and discouraged (so many books, so little time!). But I did come home and spend time with the books I already brought, reading some theology, history, child care journals and a work on improving my management skills.

It’s a big help to have a book going when I’m waiting on an appointment or just feeling bored. The drain for me right now is more emotional than physical. Going through treatments day after day takes a toll on your psyche, even when the body is feeling OK.

Fr. Steve’s updates

But, especially as a parish priest, I found that every person has some unique and fascinating experiences of life and stories to tell.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Because this clinic and hospital is so well known for research and having the latest treatments available, many people arrive after surgeries or treatments elsewhere have not worked fully. Newcomers also arrive because they are in need of specialists. Some of my fellow residents have been battling cancer for many years.

I find myself grateful to my local doctor who found my cancer when he did before it started causing the major problems that so many others have had to deal with. From the beginning, my sarcoma has involved the specialists who frequently deal with that specific disease.

Tonight was pot luck and, just like in the parishes, the tables were filled with scrumptious dishes of great variety. But, the food is secondary to the interesting cast of characters the meal brings together.

One resident I talked to built a 14 ton sailboat by himself! He and his wife have spent several summers sailing to Europe and back – usually 3 weeks just crossing the Atlantic. There’s a man who loves adventure!

But, especially as a parish priest, I found that every person has some unique and fascinating experiences of life and stories to tell.

Fr. Steve’s updates

Radiation takes only 15 minutes a day. So far, I still feel good, and every day that I do, I count as a real blessing, helping me on the way to getting through the whole thing.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Radiation takes only 15 minutes a day. I did have another consultation with the doctor to check on how I’m holding up.

There’s not a whole lot to report yet. Other residents of the Lodge say that as time goes on the effects of radiation accumulate and you feel more drained and start to have stronger side effects.

So far, I still feel good, and every day that I do, I count as a real blessing, helping me on the way to getting through the whole thing.

Spring is trying to break out, and I took a long walk this afternoon. The warmth and sunshine felt invigorating.

This evening at supper another group volunteered to cook us dinner. I’m getting spoiled, and losing too much weight has not been a problem for me yet.

We also welcomed back the folks who returned from a weekend at home, and some of the new people who are just arriving and settling in to begin their treatments.

Fr. Steve’s updates

Jesus prayed those words on the cross, and they sound so full of agony. But, when you read the entire psalm, after deep and honest soul searching the psalmist comes to a deeper trust of God.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Palm Sunday, and the readings focused on the Passion. The 22nd  Psalm, used as a Response, stood out most for me – “My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?”

Jesus prayed those words on the cross, and they sound so full of agony. But, when you read the entire psalm, after deep and honest soul searching the psalmist comes to a deeper trust of God.

When we’re sick or in trouble, it’s OK to bring our groaning and frustration before the Lord. And God can turn our cries into an experience of letting go and letting God.

God can turn our cries into an experience of letting go and letting God

Reflecting on the experience here, there is plenty of goodness, kindness and beauty, which helps. Yet, each day, I face the reality of the cancer and a serious surgery eventually coming up.

Like the passion, it’s ultimately about dying and rising. The cancerous part of me must die before new and healthy cells can be reborn.

On the spiritual side, Lent reminds us that we all have parts of ourselves that must die in order to produce new life – the self-centeredness and laziness, those areas where we are tempted and sin. That’s what I’ve been most aware of on this journey of 40 days and beyond.